At the beginning of August 2020, I drafted a post titled, “Optimism in the Time of COVID-19,” containing a list of all the hopeful things I’d seen on a walk in the neighbourhood (wearing a sweaty face mask). However, I couldn’t make myself publish it, and I’ve been meditating upon why.
At the time, I’d just been able to come near my family again after five months. The separation was hard, but many people had it so much harder and still do. There were five deaths at the seniors’ residence across the street.
I’d just ventured outside of walking distance of my home for the first time since, well, winter. Having been out in the world so much the year before, in the course of visiting 100+ museums, the confinement had been frustrating.
As a half-American, the political situation and all the turmoil in the United States were constantly on my mind.
Then in August the first wave of the virus was letting up, so I was trying to be mindfully appreciative of good things (the smell of fresh cut grass, the sight of laughing small children on bicycles, the feeling of swinging in a playground, the sound of someone’s piano practice coming from an open window).
But I wasn’t there yet. It was forced optimism, and just too earnest. That’s why I couldn’t share it.
There were good things in 2020. Last year I ended up walking almost every street near my home, tracking my progress in orange marker on a map, which was quite satisfying. I also ventured back onto public transit and explored Toronto ravines and parks I’d never visited before!
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As many people have noted, the plethora of online talks and events was a real silver lining, increasing access to learning and social opportunities when we couldn’t be together in person. I attended six billion webinars on technology, librarianship, photography, museum studies, Ontario and London UK history… and two weddings!
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Today is New Year’s Day, and it’s been a whole year since I posted to my blog. The virus is raging in Toronto with record case numbers. The worst of winter is still to come. However, I can’t help but be optimistic because there is hope for better days.
So here’s to starting 2021 grateful and hopeful. Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year.
P.S. I share Marlene Dietrich’s quote with some ambivalence and/or irony. Crying now is okay too.